Friday, May 27th

The Dr. did not hear Nik or Jakes PDA (heart murmur) today.  Hopefully it will close quickly on it's own.  Nik is on a more fluid restricted diet than Jake, due to his PDA being more symptomatic.  The boys both had a good day with hardly any desaturations all day.

At 8pm their weights are:
NIK - 1010 grams = 2.4 lbs (almost)
JAKE - 1040 grams = 2.5 lbs

We are happy to see they are finally growing... even if it's just a tiny bit...for now.

Then around 10pm Nik spit-up.  It went up his nose and caused him to stop breathing.  Of course his saturation level fell super low, he quit breathing, and his heart rate plummeted.  They took off all his CPAP gear and started to manually bag breath him for quite some time---seemed like forever.  His saturation level and heart rate were just not coming up at all.  They were doing everything they could to stimulate his heart and lungs to work, but he was just not responding.  He was dark blue and totally limp.  I found myself taking deep breaths trying to breath for him. 

After what seemed like an eternity he started coming back after being bagged with 100% oxygen.  After they got him re-stabilized the nurse told us that's about as bad as it will get.  If we could make it through witnessing that experience we'd be okay.  She apologized for us having to see it happen, which was nice of her.  But it was right after that the realization of what just happened hit me and just what a fragile and volatile situation we are really in.  At any moment he could be taken from us.  I try to stay strong and manage not get to emotional.  But at that moment I was flooded with fear, sadness and I don't know what all else.  I sat by his isolate all night long with tears running down my face.  Poor little guy shouldn't have to work this hard or go through so much.  I just can't do anything to help him except sit by his bed and watch each beat of his tiny heart and every breath.  Keep breathing my tiny baby!